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Colin Kaepernick Sees An American Flag, Nearly Dies

August 28th, 2016

San Francisco, CA – The NFL season is off to a rough start for 49ers Quarterback Colin Kaepernick after he was forced to endure listening to the United States national anthem before a preseason game last week.

Not knowing how things could get much worse, Kaepernick accidentally saw an American flag while walking from his hotel to the stadium over the weekend.

“I looked over and saw it there. My heart started skipping beats. I panicked. I wet my pants a little and I just had to cover my eyes and run until it was out of sight.” Kaepernick is recorded as saying.

“When I pay with cash I usually just cover the president’s face on the bill with my thumb so I don’t get triggered. I really try to avoid seeing anything patriotic, but this flag just came out of nowhere.” Kaepernick continued as he cried and rocked back and forth in a corner of his multi-million home.

Kaepernick is out for 6 to 8 weeks as he tries to cope with the incident and gets therapy for the trauma he suffered.

After Kaepernick comes back from therapy the 49ers will have to try to block out any United States references where they can.

The Cob and entire country wish Colin a speedy recovery from his emotional injury.

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