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Eclipse

Entire City of Marseilles Now Blind After Staring At Eclipse

August 22nd, 2017
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MARSEILLES, IL – In a shocking disclosure, area physicians have revealed that nearly 100% of the residents of Marseilles are now blind following the solar eclipse on Monday.

“After checking nearly all the residents, I must confirm that indeed the citizens of Marseilles are officially blind.” Dr. Blind Son Ray told The Cob Tuesday morning.

“I wouldn’t believe it but it seems as if nobody took the warning seriously and just stared directly at the sun for hours. In most cases even after the eclipse was over.” He continued.

As the Cob was reporting on the issue a Marseilles resident poked his out his house window and yelled, “Bobby-Jo you can stop lookin up now, the eclipse is done over. It finished yesterday!”.

The Cob later received reports that Bobby-Jo’s eyes did, in fact, burn to a black crisp.

As for the extent of the damage, the Doctor said it could be weeks before all citizens are accounted for and service dogs are brought in.



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