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Turkey Fire

How to: 10 Steps to Fry a Turkey Dangerously – Like a Man’s Man

November 19th, 2017

ILLINOIS – As Thanksgiving fastly approaches we at The Cob wanted to take a moment to give instructions on how to throw caution to the wind and deep fry your turkey like a real man. This 10 step guide will guarantee the perfect holiday feast for your family and friends.

Step 1. Take your fire extinguisher out…and throw it in the trash. Risk is a key factor in a juicy turkey, you need to have no backup plans.

Step 2. Deep freeze the bird and do not thaw it.

Step 3. Heat the oil hotter than the pits of hell. When it is brown and smoking you are good to go.

Step 4. Put on shorts.

Step 5. Drop bird into boiling liquid at a height no lower than 4 feet. Speed is your friend.

Step 6. Project the oil splatter as far out as possible. Excess oil is not needed.

Step 7. Stop. Drop. Roll. But only for a minute, you don’t want to look like a pussy. The fire will go out momentarily.

Step 8. Cook turkey for 8 hours.

Step 9. Bring turkey inside and announce the food is ready.

Step 10. Smile as you sit alone and watch football the rest of the day as the in-laws get pissed over charred turkey and leave.

Follow these 10 steps and you too may have a happy and blessed Thanksgiving feast this year.

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