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Man writes sad news

Local Columnist Tries To Write Positive News, Pens “We’re All Gonna Die” Article

February 21st, 2017

CHICAGO, IL – What started out as an attempt to bring positive and encouraging news to the masses, ended up being a cataclysmic spiral of despair and sorrow, when a local columnist, Bob Evins, failed to find anything uplifting or praiseworthy to write about.

“I tried my best, but my article was due and I just couldn’t think of anything positive to write about. So I guess I sort of went the opposite way.” Bob told The Cob Tuesday afternoon.

What started out as a gripe about bad wifi in public areas, turned into an article declaring the Earth’s end in a mere five days — One story Bob told us he wish he wouldn’t have penned.

“I regret it now, it’s so easy to go down that path and I did. Do I really think the world will end next week, no Probably not.” Bob continued.

Bob told The Cob he hopes to write a column about puppies or kittens in the near future, mentioning that it would be near impossible to write a negative story about those subjects. “Unless I uncover an underground cat fighting ring or something, who knows, I just hope I can keep it positive.” He concluded.

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