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Morris Guy

Local Expert: “Shut Up Morris, You’re Not A Suburb”

October 30th, 2017

MORRIS, IL – Like a nerd trying to fit in with the popular kids in school, the City of Morris’ ongoing attempts to declare a piece of suburbia as their own have been nothing but a vast failure.

“When you have that much corn and beans between you and the big city, it is pretty safe to say you’re not a suburb of anything other than farmers.” Ted Franklin a United States Historian told The Cob.

“Just because you have an Arby’s doesn’t make you a suburb either.” He continued. “Though I could really go for a roast beef right about now.”

“If you want to see a real suburb go to Plainfield or even Minooka. Both better choices.” Mr. Franklin concluded.

As for advice moving forward, Ted stated, “If a citizen of Morris declares their town to be a suburb, proceed to get into a verbal confrontation with them.”


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