Local Irish Man Steps Outside Without Sunscreen, Instantly Explodes
LASALLE, ILLINOIS – As temperatures hover near boiling in North Central Illinois, a local family is grieving the loss of their Uncle Pat, who instantly combusted when he stepped outside into the heat yesterday.
Pat O’Brien leaves behind a beloved dog, a cherished case of Guinness and one smoldering spot on the concrete where he once stood.
“It was like a giant star exploding.” Said Tim Tannor a long time friend of Pats.
“He knew he was too white to step out in this kind of heat without sunscreen, but he did it anyway.” He recalled.
Local authorities are warning the extremely vulnerable white pale skinned citizens to stay inside until it is safe to leave the house.