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Papa Johns Closure Leaves Only 2 Options For People Looking To Destroy Themselves On Garbage Pizza

January 2nd, 2017
Papa Johns

OTTAWA, IL – The news of Papa John’s Ottawa location closure came as a surprise to many residents who now face the bleak outlook of having to eat at Pizza Hut or Little Caesars if they wish to continue to damage their insides on cheap pizza.

“It was shocking to me.” Stated Ottawa native, Tom Hinson. “I guess I only have two other options now.”

“Maybe this is a good thing. Now I can just pay $5 to ruin my entire evening. I might save some money in the end.” Tom continued.

“I mean I’m not paying full price for a quality pizza. When you’re drunk, you don’t want fancy, you just want greasy and cheap and this is Ottawa, so that means I’m drunk a lot. So cheap it is.” Mr. Hinson concluded.

As people have started transitioning to Pizza Hut or Little Caesars, others not willing to give up on Papa Johns have started a petition for a new building to be constructed.

Stay tuned to The Cob as we continue this story in the future. Until then, grab a slice, then hit the bathroom.

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