Like what you're reading? - Follow us on Twitter Icon & Like us on Facebook Icon
Gambling Parlor

Streator Elementary Proposes In School Gambling Parlors

August 24th, 2017

STREATOR, IL – With the ever growing drone of the state schools funding crisis bellowing from Springfield, Streator officials are now looking at taking drastic measures by allowing gambling parlors access inside several of their newly segmented elementary schools.

Dubbed “Operation Roll The Dice”, district officials have plans to start with two in school parlors called, “John’s Lucky 7s Parlor” and “Betty’s Big Bitchin Slots”.

“With these new parlors, we expect income to grow significantly. Will kids be able to gamble? No. This is just for the 21 and older crowd.” A school director told The Cob.

“We expect that the parlors will open after school is out and that’s when the fun begins!” He continued.

“I really wish we would have thought of this earlier. People like to gamble money down the toilet and heck, we might as well take their dollars!” He concluded.

Look for the gambling parlors to open sometime in the spring semester.

Comment on this story...