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Man yelling Curb Check

Ottawa Hires Man to Yell “Curb Check!” When Drivers Get Close To Newly Installed Curbs

June 11th, 2017
curbs
Government
News
Politics

OTTAWA, IL – With more and more protruding curbs being installed in downtown Ottawa, the city has taken steps to make sure that drivers realize that the curbs are there – jutting out into the road like a mother’s elbow in Sunday church. “Well we went ahead and hired a guy to just sit there […]


Donald Trump in front of National Park

Heathen President Trump Donates First Salary To Parks Service – #NotMyPresident

April 3rd, 2017
News
Politics
Trump

WASHINGTON DC – In what many critics are calling a show of racist, bigoted and environment destroying actions, President Donald Trump has donated his first salary worth $78,333 to the National Parks Service. “This guy is just a disgusting man, who would do such a thing like this? I mean the National Parks don’t need […]


Nancy Pelosi at a parade.

Nancy Pelosi Scares Kids Touring US Capitol ‒ Calls Them Tiny Leprechauns

March 7th, 2017
Nancy
pelosi
Politics
Scare

WASHINGTON DC – In what is being described as a scary and bizarre moment, staffers from the US Capitol Building reported Monday morning that Nancy Pelosi charged at children taking a tour of the facilities, calling them tiny leprechauns and chasing them down the hall. “I was afraid. She had a crazy look in her […]


Trump finds out there is congress

User Submitted: Trump Unaware There Are 3 Branches Of Government

March 7th, 2017
Government
Politics
Trump

This article is a user submitted story – to submit a story email editor@thecorncob.com WASHINGTON D.C. – According to KellyAnne Conway, President Trump has been studying for the last week on what role Congress plays in the US Government. She stated, “Prior to this week, he wasn’t aware that anything happened in the Capitol Building. […]


Protest in the Illinois Valley

The Cob Compiles A List Of Protest Opportunities For The Illinois Valley

February 25th, 2017
News
Politics
Protest

ILLINOIS VALLEY – As the year continues and protests break out across the country, many readers of The Cob have been wondering what opportunities they have to protest in the Illinois Valley. We rounded up a list of protests you should enjoy. Tuesday, February 28th – Protest JCPenney Closing – Meet at the Peru Mall […]


Trump Signs Executive Order Removing Obama From List Of Past Presidents

January 24th, 2017
News
Politics
Trump

WASHINGTON D.C. – Early Tuesday morning as Donald Trump signed several new executive orders in front of a frenzied media, a less publicized executive order was being reviewed by the new President’s staff that would remove any trace of President Obama from the history books. “It’s probably best if Americans don’t remember these past 8 […]


Buzzfeed & CNN Report Donald Trump Meets With Satan In Russia

January 11th, 2017
Buzzfeed
News
Politics

UNITED STATES – After a firestorm of accusations of fake news stories and Russian hijinx, Buzzfeed and CNN have reported that Donald Trump has officially met with Satan in Russia over the weekend. The report was unconfirmed. “We were able to uncover that Satan vacations in Russia and that is where Donald Trump met him.” […]


“Someone Told Us That Politicians Get To Steal Things”

January 10th, 2017
Long
News
Politics

PERU, IL – State Rep.-elect Jerry Long’s wife, Patricia Long, was arrested over the weekend after the Peru police department forgot that politicians get to steal things. “It was a simple mistake on their end.” Jerry stated Monday. “Once elected, politicians can take any item smaller than $20. It’s pretty much a known rule. Peru […]


Mautino Forgets To Remove ‘Financed With Campaign $$$’ Bumper Sticker From Cars

December 6th, 2016
Mautino
News
Politics

LASALLE COUNTY, IL – In what can only be explained as a moment of lost clarity, Auditor General Frank Mautino’s cars have been discovered to be plastered with bumper stickers exclaiming that they were “Financed With Campaign $$$”. Opening research into the pending inquiries aimed at the Auditor General’s campaign, The Cob was able to […]


Local Rescue Dog Unsure Who He’s Voting For In LaSalle County States Attorney Race

September 13th, 2016
Election
News
Politics

ILLINOIS VALLEY – LaSalle County States Attorney candidates, Brian Towne and Karen Donnelly, are vying for votes from the pet community. The Cob took time last week to interview a local rescue dog that is still an undecided voter in the race. We caught up with Rover, a yellow lab from Streator, and talked to […]