60 Degrees: Hipsters Preparing For Trip To Starved Rock To Declare Love Of Hiking
STARVED ROCK STATE PARK – As 60-degree temperatures move into the Illinois Valley this weekend, young hip city folk are preparing their journeys to Starved Rock State Park where they will declare their love for hiking and vegan hamburgers for all to see.
“The pilgrimage of the hipster from the city to the Illinois Valley is a deep-rooted historical journey dating back to the 1920’s.” Gary Fledger, a local historian told The Cob Wednesday afternoon.
“Before hipsters it was 90’s punks, 70’s stoners, and 60’s hippies. New decades bring new flocks of voyagers from the city.” Gary continued.
“Do they really like hiking. No. They just walk a trail, snap a selfie and leave. They are pretty much harmless.” He concluded.
Starved Rock State Park has issued an advisory this week banning all skinny jeans, overgrown mustaches, combed-over 1920’s style haircuts and round sunglasses, in an attempt to prevent hipsters interrupting true hikers.
The State Park also advises all travelers to not feed the hipsters. If you don’t bother them, they won’t bother you.