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Peru Mall Fire

Peru Mall Fire! “The Most Exciting Thing To Happen Here Since the 80’s”

May 7th, 2018
Peru Mall

PERU, IL – Awaken from his slumber of over 30 years, a Peru Mall security guard told The Cob that a small fire that started in middle of mall Sunday was the “most exciting thing that has happened here in decades.”

“Life has been slow here.” John Bunnan, spoke to The Cob reporters Sunday afternoon. “The occasional lost kid used to happen, but most the time people are just lost when they get here. I get excited about visitors, but usually they are from out of town and lost. When I tell them this is mall, they just make a disgusted face and leave.”

So when fire broke out Sunday John thought it was just a transient vaping in the mall again. “I have to kick those vaping weirdos out all the time.” He continued.

“When I got to the center stage I new it was game time. I evacuated the two people in the mall and the three employees working at the stores.”

“Training pays off.” He concluded.

No injuries were reported.


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