Police Blotter 9-21
The Corn Cob receives reports from local police municipalities. All charges are pending an official charge of guilty by jury or judge.
Marseilles – Bob “Bubba” Bigusta, 41, was cited on a complaint of public drunkenness and making a false claim that he is the President of Pimptown. Police advised there is no such town in Illinois. He was charged and released.
Ottawa – Jillian Brown, 26, was cited for disorderly conduct Friday morning when she became belligerent with police after she filed a complaint for items stolen from her car overnight. According to reports, Ms. Brown was unable to comprehend how items can get stolen from an unlocked vehicle. Police are working on a PowerPoint presentation to fully explain how that happened to her.
Seneca – No reports have been submitted to The Cob since the city enacted a “Redneck Ordinance” allowing various minor offenses to go unpunished. The city determined it would be unfair to punish people as they have to live in Seneca anyway.
Streator – Mark Ditmore, 60, was cited for making false claims after he called Police to notify them he had been abducted by aliens. He insisted the aliens were Packer fans making the experience more traumatizing to him. Alcohol may have been a factor in the incident.
Peru – Somebody robbed some place and got away. For information on the whereabouts of that person please call Peru police.
Mendota – The Cob was unable to confirm if this town still existed.
To submit unreported stories to The Cob please email email@example.com.