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Bears Soldier Field

Wall Being Built Around Soldier Field To Keep Packer Fans Out, Wisconsin To Pay For It

September 1st, 2019
Bears
News
Sports

CHICAGO, IL – A temporary wall is being built around Soldier field with the hopes of keeping Green Bay fans out of Thursday’s game. Bears’ ownership has stated that the State of Wisconsin will pay for it. “They come to town, wearing that hideous green and yellow, smelling of cheese and stale farts. We really […]


MLB black vs white

MLB Celebrates Segregated History with Black & White Jerseys During Players Week

August 26th, 2019
MLB
News
Sports

Horrifically bad jerseys? Yes. A historically important subject? Yes. Idiotic attempt to merge them? Duh! Over the weekend MLB players were forced to wear black and white jerseys in celebration of MLB’s segregated past. Black vs white games happened at all major league games throughout the nation. “It’s like a civil war reenactment.” An MLB […]


kicker missing leg

Bears Accidentally Sign Kicker That Has No Leg

August 4th, 2019
Bears
Football
Sports

CHICAGO, IL – In a bizarre incident the Chicago Bears have signed a kicker that has no leg, though his chances are still better at making a field goal than current Bears kickers. Kaleb Rinner was signed with the Bears last week even though he has never kicked a ball in his life and is […]


Softball Girl

Softball Mom Publicly Berates Daughter – She Instantly Becomes A Better Player

May 3rd, 2018
News
Softball
Sports

NAPERVILLE, IL – Few things mean more to Sara Surans than her daughter winning in softball, and win she does, all because of Sara’s outbursts and childish ridiculing during games and practice. “I come to the park tired and not really excited, but when my mom starts ripping into me and telling me how bad […]


Bulls Warm Up

Most Illinoisans Blissfully Unaware Chicago Bulls Basketball Has Started

November 15th, 2017
Chicago Bulls
News
Sports

CHICAGO, IL – The Chicago Bulls are 11 games into their season and most of Chicagoland is blissfully unaware that NBA basketball has even kicked off. We took to the streets to find out what people were thinking about the Bulls season so far. Here are the stats from our non-scientific study. 95% of people […]


White Sox Field

White Sox To Rename Park “Big Bob’s Tire Fire Park” After Naming Rights Elapse

October 25th, 2017
News
Sports
White Sox

CHICAGO, IL – After one year as Guaranteed Rate Field the White Sox announced Tuesday that the naming rights of the field have changed to Big Bob’s Tire Fire Park. “After some negative press, we decided to take our naming rights to another bidder.” A White Sox spokesman told The Cob. “Our budget has been […]


Amish guy hits homerun

Amish Man Lifts Dodgers Past Cubs in NLCS Game 2

October 16th, 2017
Baseball
Cubs
Sports

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA – After a tight game through nine innings an unlikely Amish hero emerged for the Dodgers, Josh Turner also known as Josia Tunerseed made history with a gaming winning homerun sinking the Cubs to two games down. “I worked the land as a kid and churned butter all my life, that’s why […]


Chicago bears

Local Man About To Lose A Tremendous Amount Of Money Gambling On The Bears

August 31st, 2017
Bears
Football
Sports

GRAND RIDGE, IL – With his mortgage payment behind, his job search dwindling, and marriage in the drain, a local man, Tim Olivar, has only one hope left, betting on the Chicago Bears. “The odds may not be the best, but I need a miracle.” Mr. Olivar told The Cob Thursday morning. “One thing that’s […]


boxing

Ottawa Father Too Poor To Pay Kid’s School Lunch Suddenly Finds $99 For Mayweather vs Mcgregor

August 26th, 2017
Boxing
News
Sports

OTTAWA, IL – In what can only be described as a miracle from heaven above, a local father has found some $99 in spare change to pay for the Mayweather vs Mcgregor boxing fight despite his six kids being on the free school lunch program. “I know what this looks like, but I really just […]


Lady Running Marathon

Couple Divorce, Then Run Marathon To See Who Gets Everything

May 15th, 2017
marathon
News
Sports

STARVED ROCK, IL – In a brief document signing ceremony at Starved Rock State Park Saturday morning, Jan and David Smitherson both finalized their divorce paperwork and agreed to submit all property and money to the winner of the marathon race held later in the day. “It was a beautiful ceremony.” A family friend told […]