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Drag Race Route 23

DOT to Install Drag Racer Lights on Rt. 23 Between Ottawa & Streator

September 3rd, 2019

OTTAWA, IL – With construction coming to an end in Ottawa the Department of Transportation has one last item to install before the job is completed: Drag Racer Lights. “Lights will be installed both in South Ottawa and North Streator.” An IDOT Rep told The Cob. “People love to race on 23 and we have […]

Candle Ban

Chicago News Station: Woodland Volleyball Team Used Fully Semi-automatic, AR Style Candles in Hazing

August 18th, 2019

STREATOR, IL – A Chicago news station has spurred on a community of anti-candle protestors who are asking for common sense candle reform after a hazing incident came to light last week in Streator. “These kids should not have had these candles of war.” A reporter told The Cob Sunday morning. “Banning these type of […]

Streator Water Fountain

Streator to Install Drinking Fountains at City Parks that Dispense Alcohol (Claim it’s Safer than the Water)

August 15th, 2019

STREATOR, IL – After several Streator citizens asked the city to expand the number of parks that were permitted to have alcohol last week, a motion was approved to install drinking fountains that dispurse beer, vodka and wine. “We haven’t had a great history of providing clean drinking water to our community, so when the […]

Toe Head man

Man Grows Toe On Forehead After Drinking Streator Water

August 2nd, 2019

STREATOR, IL – Streator officials have been warning locals about conserving and boiling water in the last few days, but a new concern has come to light as, Timothy J. Thumb, 33, of Streator has grown a giant toe on his forehead after drinking the water. “It started out as an itcher on ma forehead.” […]


Unarmed Streator Officers Being Trained How To Properly Slap A Criminal

October 8th, 2018

STREATOR, IL – Streator’s plan to deploy unarmed officers in the community has kicked off with training on how to stop a criminal by b*t$h slapping them. “As the only way of defending themselves, the open-handed slap is key to their success.” Streator’s City Planner told The Cob. “No, nope, closed fists are not allowed. […]

Rogers Streator

Streator Residents Promise To Stop Robbing Each Other During ‘Won’t You Be My Neighbor?’ Week

August 1st, 2018
Mr Rogers

STREATOR, IL – In the spirit of Fred Rodgers, Streator residents throughout the city have called a truce from neighborhood theft and have banded together in unity. “Five days is all we are asking for. Then everything can return to normal and you can steal your neighbor’s bike if you want to.” Said city coordinator […]

Person painting wall

Downtown Streator Developer, “Look That Building Is Crumbling Let’s Put A Painting Over It!”

October 15th, 2017

STREATOR, IL – As more buildings fall into disrepair in downtown Streator, the city has come up with a genius plan of covering the buildings in paintings, solving all structural issues for good. “It’s much too expensive to repair these buildings, that is why we’ve chosen to cover them in paintings.” Steve Righton told The […]

One-way sign in Streator

Streator Officials: We Need More One-Way Roads To Confuse Out-Of-Towners

May 7th, 2017

STREATOR, IL – During last weeks transportation and roadway meeting, city of Streator officials came to the conclusion that the town needed more one-way roads to confuse the hell out of non-residents. “Driving through town just proved to be too easy for some visitors to Streator, we needed to make it more of a challenge.” […]

Streator Robber in Front of Wal-Mart

Stolen Electronics Returned To Streator Wal-Mart Denied Without Receipt

February 14th, 2017

STREATOR, IL – Over the weekend a brazen group of criminals robbed the Streator Wal-Mart only to later regret wasting a felony crime charge on cheap Chinese made electronic garbage. This, in turn, prompted an attempt by the thieves to return the items to the store to no avail. “We had a few people come […]

Picture of Pluto

Streator Elementary Moves to Remove All Planets but Pluto From Curriculum

July 8th, 2016

STREATOR, IL – Streator Tourism in conjunction with Streator Elementary have collaborated in an effort to bring local history to the forefront of early education. Starting next school year Streator Elementary will only teach students about Pluto. Other real planets will be skipped entirely. Estimates show that it could save the district some much needed […]