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12 People Trampled To Death After Streator Drugs Announces 50% Off Alcohol Sale

November 2nd, 2019

STREATOR, IL – Tragedy struck this week after 12 people were trampled to death in Streator after a crowd rushed Streator Drugs to score deep discounts on their Keystone Light beer. Streator Drugs recently announced large discounts on alcohol ahead of their closing, prompting every single person in Streator to show up at once in […]

High dog

Peru PetSmart Given Green Light to Sell Recreational Marijuana to your Pets

September 11th, 2019

PERU, IL – If your Snoop Doggy Dog is looking to unwind a little, he is now in luck. PetSmart in Peru was approved by the city to sell recreational marijuana to pets starting next month. “Little edibles are the most popular choice.” A rep told The Cob. “But we have hookahs and if your […]

Club Sign

6 Strip Clubs To Fill Vacant Spots In Peru Mall

September 4th, 2019

PERU, IL – With business hurting more than ever and anchor stores long gone, the Peru Mall has reportedly rented out several vacant storefronts to strip clubs. “Everyone thought Ottawa had the market cornered with Strip Clubs, not anymore Peru is where it is at.” A Peru mall rep told The Cob. “With the additional […]

Guy jumping

“Just What I Wanted An $140 55″ Machabucha Verzino Walmart Black Friday Special TV” Said No One Ever

November 25th, 2017
Black Friday

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS – Black Friday is over and with it the hope of kids all over the United States has died as parents begin to bring home cheap off-brand TVs. “I already know what we are getting. That cheap crappy TV from Walmart.” 14-year-old Sophia Thomas told The Cob. “My dad thinks he is getting […]

Dollar Tree 50% off Sale

Damaged Goods: Dollar Tree Streator Announces 50% Off – Everything On Sale For 75 Cents

May 30th, 2017
dollar tree

STREATOR, IL – Following an early-morning accident Tuesday that saw a car plow into Dollar Tree in North Streator, the company has announced a 1/2 off sale, marking all items for sale at 75 cents. “We have some damaged items we need to sell and we thought it would be a good idea to have […]

Mac & Cheese Craft Beer

Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Flavored Craft Beer Coming To Tangled Roots

March 6th, 2017

OTTAWA, IL – With craft beer reaching peak popularity in recent years, a local brewery has taken steps to distance themselves from the competition with a new and game-changing flavor: Kraft Mac & Cheese. Tangled Roots has started advertising a beer they claim has notes of “cheese” and “pasta”, a first of its kind in […]

Academy Winner Mix Up

Academy Promises Execution Of Those That Flubbed Best Picture Award

February 28th, 2017

HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA – Amid a firestorm of accusations and finger pointing, the Academy Awards vowed Tuesday to harshly punish those involved in the award mix up by execution by firing squad or electric chair. “We are looking closely at our tabulating partner PricewaterhouseCoopers and we believe that what they did is a felony crime punishable […]

Streator Robber in Front of Wal-Mart

Stolen Electronics Returned To Streator Wal-Mart Denied Without Receipt

February 14th, 2017

STREATOR, IL – Over the weekend a brazen group of criminals robbed the Streator Wal-Mart only to later regret wasting a felony crime charge on cheap Chinese made electronic garbage. This, in turn, prompted an attempt by the thieves to return the items to the store to no avail. “We had a few people come […]

Professional Photographer Taking A Photo

Local Woman Buys DSLR Camera, Now Professional Photographer

January 30th, 2017
professional photographer

UTICA, IL – Utica native Tara Ingroove didn’t think that buying a DSLR camera was a big deal until she bought one Friday evening and instantly became a Professional Photographer. “I bought the camera Friday and by Saturday I was taking professional quality photos. The skills just kind of appeared out of nowhere.” Tara told […]

Dairy Battle: Dairy Queen Promotion Will Allow Customers To Stick Face Under Blizzard Machine

January 6th, 2017
Dairy Queen

OTTAWA, IL – Dairy Queen is planning to arrive in Ottawa in a big way this Spring by rolling out a promotion that will allow customers the opportunity to stick their face under the Blizzard machine and inhale as much ice cream as possible for one minute. With the ever competitive and growing ice cream […]