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Ottawa Riverfest

Heavy Metal Band Slipknot to Play Ottawa Riverfest

June 20th, 2018
OTTAWA, IL – After years of tribute bands and retired rock stars, Ottawa Riverfest has finally landed a national act with the heavy metal band Slipknot slated to headline the upcoming event. “We decided that we needed to go big this year and melt peoples faces off with hardcore metal.” 2018 Riverfest Event Coordinator Ray […]
Sun hot guy

Local Irish Man Steps Outside Without Sunscreen, Instantly Explodes

June 18th, 2018
LASALLE, ILLINOIS – As temperatures hover near boiling in North Central Illinois, a local family is grieving the loss of their Uncle Pat, who instantly combusted when he stepped outside into the heat yesterday. Pat O’Brien leaves behind a beloved dog, a cherished case of Guinness and one smoldering spot on the concrete where he […]

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